My Random Ramblings

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i'd already be gone, if i knew of another site, seriously tho

I have a story to tell you, the story of Digg.

Digg was once a very popular and vibrant site. Once valued at about $200 million, it eventually sold for $500 thousand.

What caused this sudden drop in Digg’s value? About five years ago they updated the site, removing a bunch of features in a way that nobody really liked and changing the site around. They didn’t listen to what their user base wanted, and rather quickly alternatives were discovered and they were no more. It is said that their traffic dropped 25% in under a week.

And so was born reddit. Remember this tumblr, you’re not indestructable. If you continue to fuck the site up, the next “tumblr” will be born and the inevitable migration will occur.

Digg made a mistake. They underestimated their user’s willingness to jump ship and took their community for granted by going against their wishes. Don’t make that mistake, tumblr. It won’t work out for you.

There aren’t enough *puts breadsticks in purse* memes to make me stay if you go through with this destruction.

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the future according to tumblr

futureaccordingto:

UPDATED (Version 13.0)

(Note: Source Links in the Years)

2000s:

2013: all fashion companies have gone out of business. there is no prada. there is no D&G. all runways have been bulldozed. everyone wears the annoying orange morph suit. the apocalypse has begun

2014: Idris Elba has been asked to play every single role and every single movie
it is a year of change and delight.
lucy liu plays every role that he declines. every movie and tv show is just idris elba and lucy liu acting with each other. entire crowd scenes are just cgi idris elba and lucy liu in various outfits. idris elba in a dragon costume. lucy liu as spiderman. 2014 the best year ever

2014: and you’re only attracted to fit middle aged Scandinavian men who look like they know how to bury bodies

2015: dinosaurs in nascar vroom vroom roar vroom, more magnets, spaceship in every pot, yellow

2017: tumblr user thatsmoderatelyraven’s fluffy chicken makes a guest star appearance at the new president’s inauguration. “it’s been my life goal to meet you” says the president

2020: tumblr has tripled the amount of blogs registered. Every pun imaginable has been made, all photos of random things in rooms have been taken in HD format, all quotes have been said. There are no more recognizable url’s, even fahjtekysuleirdtyrzdsd and jiput4qwar8tgahwsf8g9bosdiv are taken. It is a dark time. The end is near.

2021: damnit grandpa, they’re not spiders anymore, they’re arachnid americans and more importantly my friends

2023: Arthur has just begun its 26th season
The new voice actor’s voice has become so squeaky that only Arthur fans’ dogs can hear him

2025: scientists are still scrambling to figure out what “zigazig ahh” is so that they can give the spice girls what they really really want
the spice girls are getting impatient
war is upon us

Early 2030s: peer reviewed scientific literature all begins with ALRIGHT LISTEN UP FUCKERS

2039: the SNK anime has 600+ episodes and the manga has 70+ volumes. We still don’t know what’s in the basement. SNK has become the next DBZ/Naruto.

2050: jk rowling has writen five sequels to the harry potter saga, 17 new films, seven plays, animated series and a radio show and still hasn’t said a fucking word about the marauders

2053: a girl lays on her bed wearing vintage ugg boots. ‘I was born in the wrong generation’ she sighs as she listens to taylor swift and cries over a one direction poster.

Summer 2056: Omegle: ASL Virus out in theaters

2060: iPhone 842 is released. The screen touches you

2063: tumblr has updated their video player. kids play with their vintage iphone 420s. i’m still upset about the how i met your mother finale.

2064: You’re in your car, the grandkids are sitting in the back and you turn on some Beatles music.

“Aww, Grandma, do we really have to listen to this?” they’ll say, “This song is a hundred years old!”

And the freaky thing is, they won’t be exaggerating.

2066: physical contact has been outlawed. hug dealers tenderly embrace people in the dead of night and shady people hold hands in dark streets

2068: Sam Winchester is 85 years old. He begins to suffer severe heart problems caused by being old as fuck. Dean gets in his motorized wheelchair and goes to the nearest crossroads at a speed of 3mph and trades his soul for Sam’s life. It is at this point that even the crossroads demons are beginning to worry about the Winchesters’ unhealthy codependency problems.

2081: it’s the year 2081. facebook is now on a chip you implant into your hand that allows you to type your status in midair. twitter can be controlled with thoughts. tumblr still has the same damn video player.

2085: They’re doing a remake of LotR. Orlando Bloom is still cast as Legolas.

2088: there is only one tree left. the tree is cut down and used to make a newspaper with the headline No More Trees

2090: Marvel is into Phase 30 of their film productions and is getting ready to release “Ms. Marvel”

Meanwhile DC produced another version of Batman played by Nicholas Cage

2120: Seattle is in ruins. The entire city’s budget is wasted, yet again, on the 25th expansion of the Space Needle. Entire communities have been replaced by the 100-mile in diameter monolith. It’s presence serves as a constant reminder of the never-ending war between Dubai and America for the world’s tallest building. We have won, but at what cost

2137: You open your tumblr profile, again after many years. You click on the message box. 1 message. You click on it.
‘Yes, same here! :)’
And you don’t know what it was referring to beacause you don’t have a fucking sent messages box.

2200: only small remnants of humanity are left alive. the streets are littered with robots and laptops. tales are told of an ancient woman, a woman from montana who, centuries ago, destroyed humanity with a wrecking ball

2451: we decide to make the world’s biggest pizza. it’s too big. everyone suffocates under the dough. the end of civilization

2648: all the characters are now robots as the actors have been dead for hundreds of years. it’s season 508. sam and dean still havent told cas that meg is dead

2999: Valve, the game company, is going downhill. Reports say that the company won’t survive to see year 3000. The last “Valve can’t count to 3” joke in history is told as on December 31st, 2999, Valve officially closes down for good. Rest in peace, brave soldier.

3000s:

3000:[tumblr user textpoops] teach ancient memes at Harvard University

3009: a group of humans listen to boom boom pow. when fergie says that she is so 3008 they all stand shocked and realise. fergie is now behind the times. fergie herself has become 2000 and late. this is unbelievable news to the humans. hours later the planet descends into war and chaos.

3414: the last remaining members of the fandoms have united with strong beliefs in the legends passed down over generations. legends of magical beasts called “ponies” with “cutie marks” that roamed the glorious kingdom of equestria. a madman who traveled around the time-space continuum with a blue “phone box.” and thousands of other legends and tales of an ancient realm called “tumblr.” “tumblr” was the realm of the first fandom members.

the far future humans unite and “mega evolve” all together. they are the future of earth. they spread out into tribes, living in the shadows of the post-apocalyptic spires of their greatx70 grandparents’ cities. a new age has begun. the age of the fandom worshippers.

4000s:

4000: 500 years after the last great war.
Humanity survives in small nomadic tribes.
One tribe has uncovered an ancient artifact from before the wars. They believe if they can solve its riddle, they may be able to unite humanity once more.

4000: Each student must memorize a piece of ancient poetry. A student finishes reciting Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up.” The class applauds. Next up is Timothy with “Gangnam Style.”

151000s:

151441: Humanity is on it’s last string of life. Food is scarce. The last bottle of maple syrup has expired. Hope is dying fast.